So let’s just jump head long into the deep end of the pool? Why am I gonna bore you with I’m in such and such a team league with such and such of rules and all that minutia that really doesn’t matter.

I’ve been texting my Co-GM. Now, if you don’t have a league where you have a Co-GM give it a shot. Best thing I’ve ever done. Me and my buddy work crap hours and don’t get to hang out a lot it gives us something to stay in touch with and it allows us to drive our significant others completely and utterly insane to the point that they will actually leave us alone with some cold ones and go do something else. Plus my Co-GM comes with some fringe benefits aside from being one of my best friends in the entire world. He may or may not work for a certain worldwide leader… So yeah we have a ton of stats at our disposal. Ones that most people wouldn’t even think of. We use it to supplement our general fantasy habits and actually used it to win a title and a decent sum of money ummm I mean pride and kudos. Yes, pride and kudos. All this makes what he texted to me next even more curious:

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TAKE THE ZERO
What??? On what planet is this ever a good idea? The problem we were dealing with is that our TE John Carlson is on his bye, our Defense the Broncos were on their bye and we didn’t particularly care to cut either of them. Plus the pickings on the Defense and TE pile in a very deep league were slim. We worried about ANY member of our roster that we carefully construct getting pecked off the scrap heap come waiver time. So in my Co-GMs defense this may have been a moment of clarity. Now, we’re not holding on to many gems but still guys who you’re holding out hope can put up some points. One of these guys was Jerome Harrison. Having the flu and for some reason being stashed behind an ineffective Jamal Lewis made him the first casualty. We weren’t worried about Harrison getting taken. He’s a Cleveland Brown and that city doesn’t export fantasy points, just crippling depression.

Harrison… GONE. New Defense for the Week? CIRCLE THE WAGONS! Let’s go Buffalo! The Bills have an underrated D. Now that the offense isn’t playing a silly hurry up offense they’re not ready or equipped for maybe the defense can stay off the field plus let’s be serious Jake Delhomme is good for a pick or ten. (I mean seriously when your fans are making this video, you’re in trouble.) We’re hoping that the Panthers don’t remember how to run the ball incredibly successfully and just continue their insanity and try and heave it down the field to an angry Steve Smith 1.0 (yeah we all know who I stole that from.).

That leaves us the fact of losing Carlson or a very promising Andre Caldwell. Do we take the zero? Do we cut Carlson and hope to grab him on waivers the next week? Or do we do the unfathomable and take the freakin zero!? These are stressful decisions that us fantasy geeks (and I use the term lovingly) deal with that people just don’t understand. This has legitimately consumed hours of my life this week. In fact as I write this I have my fantasy league window open with Ben Watson to be added and just waiting for my Co-GM to get back to me with who to drop because I’ve decided no matter what way shape or form I will not take the zero. And neither should you. Do you know why? Because this is FANTASY football. Not reality.

We take the zero in our every day life. The zero in the nookie department from our wives, girlfriends, strangers that we pick up in the bar that just actually need a place to crash and have no intention at all of hooking up with us. The zero from our bosses and co workers who give us no respect, bust our chops, look over our shoulders and tell higher ups that we’ve been spending hours staring at a Yahoo! Fantasy Football screen and quickly clicking on to a spread sheet when any one looks. I for one Fantasy Brethren am tired of taking the zero on a daily basis and I will be DAMNED if I’ll take the zero in my FANTASY world where I own a team named after a choice between two songs on Satellite Radio (2 Joints Or One Week) on a road trip to Boston.
So to you I say I’m Patrick Hackett, friends call me Hackett and I’m not taking the zero AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!

Feedback appreciated.

Popularity: 3% [?]